Oct 22, 2025 — Recording 2 (11:26) (Part 3)
Oct 22, 2025 — Recording 2 (11:26)
Audio: 20251022-112617-01.mp3 · Duration 17:54
**11:26am, attempting to capture my daily personal self-care practice*
"It's 11:26 a.m." (0:03)
"Wednesday, October 22nd, 2025." (0:12)
"and an attempt to do another, uh, just a self-care" (0:16)
"affirmation, personal inventory." (0:21)
"Um, this is something that myself, the author's going to do." (0:26)
"Um, I appreciate any good wishes you have during this recording, but I'm not going to open it to conversation of any kind." (0:34)
"The sole purpose of this recording is to just capture my own personal care process." (0:41)
"And so I will be ignoring all comments from the distance for this recording." (0:47)
"And uh so what this process looks like is a combination of self-talk and um and just uh introspection." (1:02)
"Uh so I set there are a few words that I say to myself and then I'll go and I'll look at how those words relate to my life." (1:13)
"Um a little bit about on self a little bit about the value of self-talk." (1:21)
"Remember, self-talk is not a bad thing." (1:26)
"Self-talk is as valuable as the content of the self-talk." (1:33)
"Uh my my work on myself, I'm a self-development nerd, enthusiast." (1:39)
"And uh I've had plenty of therapy." (1:43)
"Um I've done all sorts of self-development." (1:47)
"Um I've had all sorts of self-development experiences." (1:53)
"And um, you know, one thing that's common is is journaling." (2:00)
"is always a suggestion, expressing yourself, especially when you're going through a hard time or spending time working on unresolved trauma." (2:10)
"Um you know, if you look at what self-talk is and affirmations are, um if you if your focus in your mind on a hardship, a personal hardship for example," (2:28)
"and all of your thoughts are revolving around the trauma you're experiencing, um, thinking about something or saying something positive would be uncomfortable at times, you know, if you get stuck in a position like that." (2:46)
"And so saying a positive thing to yourself and saying it out loud has enormous power in my personal opinion and according to many self-development professionals." (2:58)
"It's very common." (2:59)
"Where self-talk is not helpful is when you reaffirm out loud, especially negativity, self-judgment, for example." (3:13)
"And when you get in a pattern of negativity or self-judgment where uh other people around you notice and it causes a negative impact in your life then you uh you're not going to have uh you know, you're not going to have a good experience with self-talk." (3:33)
"You're just spending more time dwelling on the negative, reinforcing the negative." (3:37)
"And so, if you're going through something like this, uh, being targeted using this technology and experiencing violent, um, synthetic media and character defamation and suppression, financial suppression, suppression of relationships," (4:01)
"Um, you know, I spend a lot of time using other people's comments in this world where we're not this new America, where we're not allowed to communicate." (4:12)
"Right?" (4:13)
"Paraphrasing." (4:14)
"Stop communicating." (4:16)
"Stop communicating, going back to February now, even farther." (4:21)
"In this new world, I end up using the the conversation, the violent conversation of others as a flotation device for my brain." (4:31)
"And that means I'm not thinking, I'm not manifesting, I'm not doing, I'm just absorbing violent conversation, the objective observations and biased observations of others." (4:49)
"And it's, so if you're judging someone in this position, a victim for talking to themselves, especially in a positive way, I'm not sure what to say to you." (5:03)
"It seems it would be normal to look at someone's self-talk, but one of the greatest things someone can do for themselves for themselves in this situation, based on my experience, is spend a dedicated amount of time a day uh, consuming positive content." (5:22)
"Positive content and saying positive things to yourself." (5:29)
"And this can be extremely painful if you're going through something and and you feel there is no hope or people have not shown up when they said they would show up." (5:42)
"Um so there's a lot of unresolved trauma." (5:46)
"And there's when you're being bombarded with unconsented to conversation and observations today and over the last month, I would say there's a pattern of other people communicating that they're being observed and it's painful." (6:04)
"What they're experiencing is painful." (6:07)
"Just today, paraphrasing uh a female voice in the distance and this may have been an authentic suggestion." (6:16)
"Uh, I'm not doing well today." (6:19)
"Someone's observing me in the bathroom." (6:23)
"And I'm not doing well." (6:27)
"You know?" (6:27)
"And this is actually a pattern." (6:34)
"It could be pressuring the conversation, it could be false information, but it actually is something that I have gone through and that someone could be going through right now if they are being observed and and experiencing things in the restroom, for example, sit down when you use the restroom and then being breached, having their body penetrated and observed." (7:00)
"And so a sensational and as violent as that sounds, I can say to myself that that has been how I would describe my human experience over the last year." (7:12)
"Um maybe going back further, maybe going back three years." (7:20)
"There was a period of time that has been suggested uh that for a couple of years, out of maybe four plus years, they were the observers were not allowed to communicate, only observe." (7:34)
"And so I don't want to get into what has happened right now, pulling us back to positive self-talk and inviting some positivity into um one's life." (7:47)
"And again, I'm not going to be communicating with anyone during this recording." (7:52)
"Uh please do not attempt to communicate with me during this time." (7:57)
"I'm holding space for myself." (8:01)
"If you would like to follow along and and set some intention for yourself uh along the way, uh especially if you're suffering, I would encourage you to do so." (8:12)
"Um and we can do this in a collaborative way sometime, but I really need to make sure I get through this today." (8:22)
"Uh, thank you for the interest in doing that." (8:26)
"So, I'm going to begin with just some silence and some deep breaths." (8:31)
"breathing in, exhale." (8:36)
"Short of breath." (8:56)
"Even that." (8:57)
"So helpful." (8:58)
"So, health, wealth, and abundance." (9:03)
"Health, wealth, and abundance." (9:06)
"How do we get there?" (9:09)
"Patience, humility, gratitude, empathetic communication, empathetic interaction, follow through." (9:22)
"Health, wealth, and abundance." (9:28)
"How do we get there?" (9:30)
"Patience, humility, gratitude, empathetic communication, sometimes firm communication, follow through." (9:46)
"Let's look at patience." (9:49)
"Am I being patient right now?" (9:52)
"Is that something I can do?" (9:55)
"There isn't much of a choice." (9:57)
"I'd say demonstrating as I do on a daily basis." (10:01)
"I'm angry sometimes as someone should be." (10:04)
"The presence of empathy might point to patience." (10:09)
"Patience." (10:11)
"Humility." (10:13)
"I'm going to spend a long time on on these for this recording." (10:18)
"Humility." (10:20)
"Am I demonstrating humility?" (10:22)
"How humble do I feel?" (10:24)
"Experiencing all of this violence over the last year when communication really picked up in this experience." (10:33)
"It hasn't all been violent, but the majority of it has." (10:36)
"Life-threatening violence and suppression, physical sensation." (10:43)
"There's been so much suffering and the end of my life as I know it after working so hard." (10:49)
"uh, Black Belt, getting a black belt in my 30s while working a 60 hour a week tech job at a Korean family school was an impossible task." (11:01)
"My family said it was impossible based on my history and challenging 20s I had." (11:09)
"But I nailed it." (11:11)
"You know, all of the things that I have invested in, my fatherhood, my parenthood, my career, 12 years as a technology worker, and not just punching a clock, doing things that most people failed at in the past." (11:28)
"You know, really, really sacrificing myself and and having just some hardcore accomplishment." (11:37)
"Thank you to the to the opportunities that were provided." (11:41)
"So, losing all of that, losing it all and dedicating my life, what's left of it based on the suggestions of others that the end is near for me." (11:54)
"It could happen any day." (11:56)
"has made me a very humble person." (12:00)
"Patience, humility, and do I demonstrate humility in conversation?" (12:06)
"I try to." (12:08)
"That is exactly the opposite of how I am perceived, interestingly enough." (12:14)
"Um sometimes I I I demonstrate overrides, um, as a way of defending myself and demonstrating the backwards compatibility that is happening that has been suggested, the transparency, control that someone might have, and that may not come through as humility." (12:37)
"But otherwise, I think I'm doing good in that department." (12:43)
"Patience, humility, gratitude." (12:46)
"How grateful am I today?" (12:49)
"Well, I've accepted the loss." (12:53)
"I set my bar very low." (12:55)
"I set my bar very low on on any success happening." (12:59)
"And this is not out of spite." (13:03)
"This is just due to the absence of in-person support." (13:07)
"And it's not just the absence of it, the suggestion that support is coming daily and then having it never arrive." (13:15)
"uh this act of violence that is suggesting support and it not showing up." (13:22)
"Uh so that has happened for every day, sometimes multiple times a day for over one year now." (13:30)
"And because of that, I do not believe that any any help is coming." (13:35)
"That I'm just preparing, you know, I'm facing each day with humility, knowing that this could be the last day I'm alive." (13:44)
"And um you know, am I grateful in this moment?" (13:49)
"Is the question." (13:50)
"Well, when you find that place, the little things matter so much." (13:57)
"The fact that someone is out there defending the uh the Denver Rescue Mission and conversation." (14:04)
"I'm so grateful for that." (14:07)
"You know, what can someone believe in?" (14:10)
"What can someone believe in right now?" (14:12)
"Right now, there are there is a group that seems to be present 24 hours a day that will call out predatory communication." (14:22)
"I don't have to do that." (14:24)
"And it's a huge relief because in the past, I did have to do that." (14:31)
"And the minute I stopped doing that, things were much more difficult for everyone, everyone experiencing the communication that was a victim." (14:44)
"I'm grateful for that." (14:46)
"I'm grateful for um the opportunity to write." (14:50)
"I had no idea that uh writing about, writing down or capturing these transcripts would invite such danger into my life." (15:02)
"There was never an explanation." (15:04)
"Um but now that I've done it and help seems to have surfaced after sharing it, I'm going to make sure I'm recording here." (15:17)
"Yeah." (15:25)
"Now that I've done that and the help seems to have surfaced, um I feel that there may be a chance." (15:34)
"I'm not planning on it." (15:36)
"I'm not planning on it." (15:39)
"I'm grateful, I'm grateful for that defense." (15:41)
"Absolutely." (15:43)
"I'm grateful for my daughter having things that I did not have as a child." (15:49)
"My mother was poor." (15:51)
"Uh her dad was in the House of Representatives and he died of cancer in her teenage years." (15:57)
"And And so she uh you know, she she was a musician." (16:08)
"She met my dad at a in a Hindu commune and they ran off together and and had kids together." (16:16)
"And we just, you know, she worked very hard." (16:20)
"Um my ex-wife's family immigrated to New York in the 70s, I believe." (16:30)
"And uh sold goods on the street and eventually made their way to uh to doing very well for themselves." (16:38)
"Now they play golf every day in their 80s." (16:41)
"They're retired together in a arranged marriage." (16:45)
"My because of their hard work and uh my ex-wife's hard work, they will not have to Olive will not have to work uh or sorry." (16:59)
"I'm exhausted." (17:01)
"My daughter won't have to go without like I did." (17:05)
"She's already been to Hawaii once." (17:07)
"Um she'll be able to travel, she'll probably be able to go to college." (17:12)
"Um I'm very grateful for this." (17:14)
"And uh you know, I I was always worried about having kids." (17:20)
"I didn't want to have a child." (17:22)
"I didn't want to bring a child into this world uh for a variety of reasons." (17:28)
"One, the expense of it." (17:29)
"You know, if you can't afford to provide a baby human with things like competitive sports, martial arts classes, college, then why bring them uh with you know, and a world where things like the war on drugs exists." (17:48)
"There are so many things a young person can can fall into." (17:54)